What

The people who created the “Tuesday Night Book Club” TV show that was canceled after two boring episodes got the wrong book club. We had our First Annual Pool Party Book Club that probably rivaled a Girls Gone Wild video. For this blog entry, I will have say that what happens at book club, stays with book club—but more so because I don’t remember a lot of it so I don’t have much to tell. I do know that it was probably a bad idea to have a drink or two before leaving the house with Tracy and Annette. And I know that the husbands had to get involved to haul us home—special thanks to Tracy and Jill’s husbands for that. Kim’s delighted exclamation sums it up well, “What has happened to the book club since I left?” I wonder what Jill’s neighbors thought about the shenanigans. Well, I had a great time. Thanks for letting me join the swim team, Jill! (Keep the comments PG).

I spent all of Saturday snoozing and recuperating and went to bed by 8:30 on Saturday night. On Sunday I watched my favorite movie, "The Thomas Crowne Affair". It always makes me feel better. I love the way the main character, Catherine Banning is so strong, but Thomas Crowne knows how to deal with her.

Weekend Ramblings

This week my company laid off a bunch of people. They laid off managers so I wasn’t worried. Brian is a manager and he is OK. There will be more cutbacks in the next couple of months. I’m not really worried. Even if I am laid off, I am not worried. I would get another job somewhere as a project manager. I think… could I stay home with my kids? My grandmother, who was born in the early 20’s in Austria, had my mom at the age of 18. At that time she lived in southern California. She was a beauty and was feisty and independent. By the time she passed away, she had been married 7 times. It seems she went through the first few husbands rather quickly and managed to have two kids per husband for 4 out of the first 5. Yes, she had 8 kids. I am not sure of the exact year, probably in the 50’s, she became a welder and that was her profession until her death at the age of 74. When I asked her how she became a welder, she said she always wanted to be able to support her kids herself and knew she couldn’t do it as a waitress. See this way, she could kick the men out of her life and continue to support her family. A few of the husbands she said she got rid of because she didn’t like the way they treated her kids. She was quite progressive for the 1940’s, 50’s, 60’s and so on (although she ended up with an abuser in the 70’s but that’s a whole other story). I inherited a few of my grandmother’s traits including the desire to be independent… particularly financially. This line of thinking is completely independent of the longevity of my marriage or Brian’s willingness and/or ability to support our family. That’s not relevant to me but is normally the biggest factor in families deciding that one parent should stay home. I feel a little like a freak in that way. Now working part-time would be the best case scenario of all, and I hope to do that when Jack goes to kindergarten.

We were scolded by Jack’s preschool director for putting him in pull-ups. Brian was a little put off by this but I was glad for it because sometimes we need a push. Jack goes on the potty 100% of the time without being prompted or asked when he is bottomless which is why most people are greeted with a naked boy when they come to our house. When he wears underwear, all bets are off. So this weekend we sucked it up and have only been using underwear, even though we have gone out for hours at a time. I am so proud of Jack—he is doing great and is telling us that he needs to go and he has only had a couple accidents.

I am still going through my post-partum self-loathing phase. I went to the Nordstrom Anniversary sale and tried on lots to clothes and bought nothing. Is it just me or does every single top out there accentuate belly fat? I made myself feel better by buying clothes for Jack and Ty. I used to wonder why my sister would buy so many clothes for her kids but none for her self and this is why.

We went to Tatum’s birthday party which was quite the extravaganza. There was a pina colada machine and lots of yummy food. Kim was there on her holiday from China so it was great to catch up, even though we had to talk in the pool with a bunch of kids splashing and playing all around us. Annette tried to talk me out of plastic surgery and we had a debate on who had the worst post-partum look—a debate that will have to be resolved by flashing each other, something that Tracy was strongly encouraging us to accomplish before the night was over. Annette has a perfectly flat stomach which I am jealous of—otherwise we have similar builds. Pam was there with her soon to be fiancé Murray who blessed us with his in tune rendition of “Sweet Caroline” on the Karaoke machine. Nancy and Robert were there. Nancy is awesome is that she will do things here and there with the kids. For example, Jack said he wanted more lemonade and she took him over to the lemonade and showed him how dispense it. A few minutes later I saw him walk over there and help himself which was very cute. Robert was laid back and funny as usual. The kids had a great time and Brian looked after the kids while I got a chance to gab. I had to stop mid-sentence the four times that Jack announced that he had to go potty. A mad dash to the toilet would follow and we always made it, so I was really proud of Jack. Brian volunteered to take the boys home so I could stay and socialize, so I did for a while and Robert and Nancy took me home. Unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to chat with the hostess much but that is the downside of being the hostess… you get to say “hi” to everyone but not have a conversation of any length. Great party, Jill!

Consult #1

We had such a busy weekend. I am happier when we are really busy! Brian and Jack went to soccer on Saturday morning and then we spent the rest of the day getting ready for a small good-bye party for our dear friends, Pete and Ann. They are moving to North Carolina. We have been great friends with Pete and Ann since I met Brian in 1998. We've been through many great parties: my notorious 30th birthday party where we all drank tequila out of a sippy bowl, the birth of the Beer Wench, the public spectacle of Rubbermaid, weddings (and making obscene models of body parts out of food--Berly knows what I'm talking about there) and finally having kids. It's been hard to get together as much with the kids but the friendship still endures. We will miss them terribly. Pete and Ann came over with their kids, plus we had a couple other families there. The house was chaos with 7 kids but we had a great time. I am not sure what people do without swimming pools in their backyard. They come in handy when you have a bunch of kids over.

By the time everyone left and Jack was put to bed, it was 9 PM. My mom's club was doing mom's night out and had started at 7 PM so I took a chance that they would still be out and I met up with them at the ice cream shop by the Ahwatukee 24 theaters. We noticed everyone at the coffee shop next door smoking their hookahs. I don't really get this but I also have never successfully smoked a cigarette so maybe I missing out on something.

On Sunday I met the girls for breakfast. I can't think of anything more luxurious than meeting a bunch of girlfriends for breakfast. I just love that. Lots of fun chitchat. In the afternoon we went to Jill and Gert's. The food and company was great. Jack was so-so. He peed on the floor and then proceeded to throw himself (and the residual pee) on their nice ottoman. He really embarrasses me sometimes. Fortunately, Jill and Gert have a boy who is 5 months younger than Jack and a newborn so they have seen a lot. I now believe that the 3's may be worse for boys than the 2's. At least that is the way it's looking with Jack. Ugh. I always said I couldn't spank him but we are threatening him with spankings some now. I realize parents do this because the child is too defiant at that moment to do anything and you have to get their attention somehow. I find this very distressing because hitting my child is not something that I really want to do.

OK, so I had my first consult with doctor #1 yesterday. They had a cancellation so I went by myself because Brian had to take Ty to the doctor. My appointment was at 2:30 PM and I got there 15 minutes early to fill out the forms. There is also a $75 fee for a consult with this particular doctor. Yikes. I sat in the waiting room until 3:30 PM. I then went into the exam room and waited until 4 PM to see the physician's assistant. Then the doctor finally came in around 4:15. It will be interesting to see how the other consults go because nothing ticks me off more than waiting 2 hours to see a doctor. I see an endocrinologist and there are very few endocrinologists in the valley. It takes months to get into see these doctors and since you HAVE to see an endocrinologist, you know you may have to wait a while at the doctor's office. Sometimes you wait a long time to see your ob/gyn because they are off delivering babies during the day. But for an elective procedure that a ton of doctors perform and charge a lot of money for--I think the consults should be on time. ESPECIALLY IF THEY CHARGING FOR THE CONSULTS. So I was really grumpy. But I liked the doctor OK. So then they tell me that I really need a lift. I really, really didn't think that I would need one so that made me even grumpier. It's an extra $2000 plus it requires an incision that I would rather not have. And then they gave me the cost estimate. Let's just say that the $4K that they say it costs (not including the lift), is actually only the surgeon's fees. Don't forget about the surgery center, anesthesia and implant warranty, plus a myriad of other things. So I left in a pretty foul mood because I was faced with southbound 101 traffic at 4:40. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I'm really questioning as to whether this is something that I really want to do....

Searches that Find My Blog

I have embedded code in my blog that shows me how people find my blog. The #1 hit is still "range of motion machine". I see hits from all over the world on that one. Michael Thurmond's 6 Day Body Makeover gets a few hits every now and then.

But some people out there are really dirty and it's kind of shocking what gets them to my blog. Here are a few:

"missie nude"
"random hook-up" -- have I used the word "hook-up" in here???
and finally, the most disgusting of all:
"mothers who like their naked sons blog"

Let the games begin!

I've been debating if I want to publicize this on my blog but I have talked about my extreme makeover plans in the past so I guess I will talk openly about this. I've been compiling a list of things that I want to do, all starting with the weaning of my child. Well, that happened in May and I really thought I would want to address my problem skin with a nice dose of the controversial Accutane. You cannot have elective surgery for at least one year after taking Accutane so that put any consideration of plastic surgery out in late 2007 sometime, and so I thought I would assess the post-baby damage then. Well, it's now a little over a month after weaning Ty and my body is now more of a concern than the pimples on my face. So I scheduled three consults with plastic surgeons for a breast augmentation. I think there are three classifications for breast augmentations: getting something that you never had, getting something that you once had but is now gone, and making something that you always had better. I fall into the middle category which means that if I never had kids, I wouldn't be wanting or needing any surgery because I assume I would still have some firm breast tissue. Right now I have skin that was stretched to a DD or E when my milk came in, and now have the breast tissue of an A or less. So now I have saggy skin like someone who has lost a lot of weight. Not a pretty sight. I have seen before and after photos of the people who are getting something they never had. I can understand the people who are completely flat chested wanting something. I don't understand the average sized woman wanting an augmentation but don't judge them for that. Then for all my friends who are well endowed--they seem to want to make something better from what they have, especially if they have had kids. Plastic surgery used to be shrouded in secrecy but I don't mind talking about it because I know that 90% of my friends would like to get something done (mostly because of what kids have done to their bodies).

My husband is very supportive (of course). I am scared about a lot of things. My biggest and probably most irrational fear is that something will go terribly wrong and I will die on the operating table and leave my children without a mother. And for what? It would seem so silly under those circumstances. But the chances are that this won't happen. I am also afraid of puking my guts out for days after being under anesthesia, like I did after getting my wisdom teeth out. I remember laying on the floor in the bathroom of an urgent care after puking non-stop for 48 hours, finally getting some relief from a shot of Tigin and Demorral. I'm afraid of the post-op pain. I'm afraid of picking the wrong size--there were times I thought I looked like a cow while pregnant. I'm afraid that doing push ups will feel weird. Fortunately, I have lots of time to think about what I want to do. I have consults over the next three months so I will keep you posted.

I get comments posted from people who are looking for feedback on the Range of Motion machine. We got the ROM machine in January of 2006. Brian has used the machine every single day with the exception of maybe four days. He didn't exercise at all before then although he has natural endurance that enables him to hike the rim to rim to rim of the Grand Canyon with minimal training. Since using the ROM, Brian has muscles that I have never seen before (in his upper body) and he looks great. I average using the ROM 5 - 6 times/week. This machine is hands down a great muscular workout and Brian and I are both very toned. I have a harder time quantifying the cardio/fat burning benefits--I don't think the machine makes you into a super athlete if you are sedentary now. But it's a great workout and it's very efficient at giving you the great workout. If I wanted to lose more weight faster, I would probably walk or run in addition to doing the machine. But for sustaining, it's great. 4 minutes is all you need. And there really is no excuse to not do it every day. Who doesn't have 4 minutes? It is hard, especially the leg portion. I really thought that I could do anything for 4 minutes but it's the toughest 4 minutes of your life.

Jack and Ty started their Infant Swimming Resource classes which are the swimming lessons where kids learn to get to the side of pool if they fall in. It's every single day for 10 minutes a day for 5 - 6 weeks. It's hard to watch your child so scared and crying but they have their faces in the water and are doing face floats the very first day. Pretty amazing what you can do when you appeal to survival instincts.

I saw "The Devil Wears Prada" with Jill and Tracy from book club. I had read the book a couple years ago and really enjoyed it. The movie was pretty good although I'm not a big fan of Anne Hathaway. We had some friends over for July 4th. Jack had a royal meltdown so it was really embarrassing. He has been quite good for the month of June after a horrible month in May. If anyone has advice on what to do when your child says "NO!" to everything to say, let me know.

Some Random Thoughts

Last night I had a dream that I met my soul mate. Yes, Brian is my soul mate but you know how dreams are. I mean, I met the most amazing man on the planet. He was intelligent beyond words and really funny and was totally into me. I even made plans to get a divorce because this guy was so perfect and amazing. When I woke up, I realized who the guy was. It was the short order cook in the cafeteria at work! This is funny to me because mostly our exchange is:

K: Two scrambled eggs please.
Cook: OK.
K: Thanks.

Dreams are so bizarre. I made the mistake of telling Brian and he is already calling the guy my boyfriend.

So on Friday morning I notice I have a voice mail on my cell phone left at 6:10 PM the night before. I checked the missed calls log but there was no incoming call, so maybe I was out of range. The reception was kind of bad but here is the message that was left on my cell phone voice mail:

Uhhh, Mary? I just wanted to let you know that it's OK if you want to hook up with my husband. Just a night of fun, no strings attached. His name is David [I hear a guy in the background urging this person on]. I'm not sure if I'm going to [watch? participate? --It cut out here] because I'm straight. Well, give us a call and let us know if that works for you.

OK, that is more bizarre than my dream.

So then on Friday around 3 PM, I get this call from "restricted".

Hi Mary... it's David.
K: You have the wrong number?
David: Is this [my number but two numbers are transposed]
K: No.

If I had been thinking I would asked what was going on and who this Mary slut was.

I'd heard references to a movie called "Napoleon Dynamite" before so I recorded it from HBO. This movie represents humor of my family. Very dry. I couldn't stop watching it. It was like a train wreck. I definitely recommend it for JennDawg W. who shares my very odd sense of humor.