The Neutered Dad

There’s a new type of dad out there. JenDawg and I came up with a term for it that I forget now but it was something like “The Neutered Dad”. My discovery of this kind of dad started at IKEA at a couple months ago. I heard a higher pitched male voice softly say, with a little whininess and pleading to it… “Now let’s not do that Madeline.” My head whipped around to see a man who clearly was the girl’s father. I shuddered. I noticed him a couple more times, the softness of his voice, the pleading sound… usually reserved for mothers. I observed another man like this on the playground the other day and then another one at the mall a couple weeks ago. I am all for men who are equal with the parenting duties. 9 times out of 10, Brian is the one who changes Ty’s diaper when we are out and about. He knows as much about their eating habits as I do and packs Jack’s lunch everyday. So I am definitely all for that kind of equality. But I still believe a man needs to be a man. I’m not saying that a guy has to yell at his kids and be mean but let’s at least use a “big boy” voice. Has anyone else seen these kinds of dads?

Valentine’s Day was a non-event for us. I’m sure I mentioned this last year but I am just not into the holiday. I have zero interest in going to an overpriced restaurant or Brian buying me overpriced flowers. I don’t want to knock the people who enjoy this holiday. It’s just not for my overly practical self. I do like helping Jack with his school valentines but otherwise, I’m a scrooge. Plus our anniversary is just 2 weeks later which is much more meaningful to us than a random day on the calendar.

Book club was in east Mesa so all the Chandler women met at Jeanette’s to ride together. At our last book club we all brought food and we didn’t have much wine so this time most of us brought drinks and no food but Jen had a nice spread for us. There was the normal amount of baby talk since two of the pregnant members were there but we got to talk about wedding stuff too when Pam showed up. She is getting married in October. Jen had photos of her son Spencer around the house. Spencer died of SIDS about one year ago. I think he was about 4 months. I get teary eyed just thinking about losing a child—just looking at the photos made me very sad.

The next day I went to get my hair cut and Brian and boys came with me to Kierland Commons. We had lunch and walked around. It was a gorgeous day. After the kids nap we went to Jeepers, an indoor play area that someone recommended. I am not sure I will go there again. I’m sure the expression on our faces when we walked in was priceless. The place just seemed dirty and chaotic. After acclimating for a few minutes, we ended up having a good time. There were rides inside that were appropriate for Jack’s age. Plus games and big climbing structure that Ty loved.

On Sunday I don’t have much recollection of what we did but that evening, Brian and I went to an early anniversary evening by going to the Chevont Wine Bar where we had goose and duck pate (one of my favorite dishes) and then wine flights paired with unique cheeses. This place was just perfect for us. I am not a big fan of fancy dinners with a big meat entrée. After my flight with cheese, I had a really nice salad. I wanted to order dessert even though I was stuffed but they were out of the dessert I wanted, so I skipped it. After dinner we went to the AZ Science Center to see BodyWorlds. This is the exhibit of real humans who have been plastinated. You can see all the bones and muscles and even skin and organs of real people who donated their bodies to this cause. The bodies are in positions like a man jumping a hurdle. We showed up at 8 PM and they closed at 9 PM. Turns out during the day people waited in line for like 3 hours so we picked a really good time to go. We had to move through quickly but I would rather do that than deal with hundreds of people around me. It was like a private showing. We had the next day, President’s Day, off so I went to the dentist in the morning. Afterwards I met Brian and Jack at Wildflower for breakfast (Jack was at school). Later that afternoon, I went to Dr. Spies office where a woman in his office gave me a free facial (for giving him referrals). She scraped my face with a scalpel to get all the dead skin cells off and then did some of peel. Then she did extractions. I was definitely pink when I left but I definitely felt exfoliated!

Later that week, I met Mike at Four Peaks for our “Bitch Session”. For some reason we got on the topic of Ding Dongs, one of the Hostess products like a Twinkie. I claimed I would never buy a Ding Dong for my kids and Mike said that was un-American. I think all of the Hostess products are horrible and I don’t see any reason to actually purchase them and bring them into your house. Mike doesn’t think a diet of crap like this contributes to childhood obesity—only that TV and video games do. I think diet plays a huge role in it, in addition to the sedentary lifestyle. We also talked about his plan to smoke a cigarette on his 1 year anniversary of quitting smoking. I definitely think he should not. I mean, why tempt yourself after going through a whole year of not smoking? He seems to be set in his decision so we will see.

On Friday night we went to dinner at Firebirds where the boys were well behaved. We’ve pretty much consistently gone out to eat once a week with the boys. There have definitely been dinners out where we really think hard about never going out to eat with them again but I feel strongly that they should be able to sit through a dinner out, so we have persevered. Of course, with our kids, a cookie at the end of the dinner is the ultimate reward so they have something to work for. We went to the mall afterwards and did our usual rounds to Pottery Barn Kids where Jack went potty three times (he always goes potty three times when we are there… I have no idea why) and then the play area outside Barnes and Noble. On Saturday morning I met Missie at the Train Park with both kids. We were there for almost three hours. It’s quite a workout for me because I need to chase Ty up the play structure every time he goes up there. I am looking forward to Ty being a couple months older where I can sit below the play structure and just track him. I didn’t get to socialize too much but we had a good time on the train and the other little rides. We spent most of the rest of the afternoon getting ready for the pot luck that we threw for Kim and Jonny. I wanted everyone to sit around the table together because then you don’t feel like you are missing out on socializing with the guests of honor. So we got 10 chairs around the table and Brian said that he would kind of float around. Everyone came and brought great food and Brian made salmon on the grill that was delicious. When we gathered around the dining room table we realized that we were actually short 3 – 4 chairs (I had grossly miscounted the number of people). With 4 of us sharing 3 chairs between us and bringing in some old cruddy chairs from the garage, we were able to squeeze in everyone. It was totally worth it though because I laughed throughout the whole dinner. Everyone was being very funny. Most people left by 10:30 but Jen, Kim and Jonny stayed another hour and we got to catch up some more. It was a really fun, laid back evening and I loved that it was a pot luck so Brian and I didn’t have to spend the whole day toiling over the meal (and we did paper plates to make the cleanup super easy!)

The next day was Nancy’s baby shower. I’m not the biggest fan of baby showers but recognize and appreciate their purpose in life. For me it’s all about the food. There was a nice Mexican shrimp cocktail/ceviche type dish. All I could think about during the present opening portion of the shower was how glad I was that I didn’t have to use any of that stuff anymore. Part of me wonders if I had an out of body experience for the past 3 ½ years because I’m not sure how I got through those early years. At the last book club we were talking about mothers and mother-in-laws who really like babies and then those that aren’t so keen on them and then Tracy says… Hey Kelly isn’t that into babies. She is right. My favorite things about having kids: 1) having a conversation with them 2) getting hugs and kisses and 3) having them sit on my lap while I read books to them. You can’t do these things with a 3 month old. They just sit there. Or cry. So sue me. On Sunday night I was supposed to see “On Golden Pond” at the Orpheum but Tami called to say she wasn’t going and that she heard it was “long and boring”. The last thing I saw that long and boring was Oklahoma! And that was horrendous. So I decided to stay home at watch the Oscars. But it ran long and I was watching on TiVo so I missed all the good awards at the end. I hate that.