Slacker

Last week a friend of ours, Mo, from New Mexico called and said that she had reserved four condos in Sedona through her time share and that the people she was going with bailed on her so did we want to go? It's hard to pass up a free condo in Sedona for the weekend so decided to take her up on it. After that, she decided to go up there with her two kids after all (her husband had to work over the weekend). So we left around 3:30 PM on Friday which really sucked because the traffic on the 101 and up through Anthem was really bad. I would hate to live where there are only two lanes in and out and everyone driving to the city for their job. I would rather live in a 1000 sq ft apartment with a 10 minute commute than a 3000 sq ft house with an hour long commute. Jack must have inherited my sister's car sickness because he threw up on the way up there. He has done this the past 5 roadtrips now. We are having to keep a towel in the car. We got up there and the condo was great and Mo was already there with her two kids and friends. We had a nice evening chatting and drinking beer. Some other friends rolled in little later in the evening. The next day we walked around downtown Sedona and I got a chance to hit the outlet mall a little later. Jack and Ty enjoyed hanging out with Mo's kids, Kate and Ryan. The next morning we had breakfast and then on the way home went hiking with the kids. Jack really liked hiking. The traffic back wasn't quite as bad thankfully.

On Tuesday I had lunch with Tracy and got a chance to vent about work. I am working with the most horrible woman of my entire career. If I root cause her behavior, I would say she is one of the most insecure people I have ever run across. Put insecurity coupled with a super high perception of herself, the desire to control everything and a warped sense of reality and it's a recipe for disaster. I love what I am doing right now but I have to really think about if it's worth it to put up with someone like that. People with major personality disorders do not change and if they manage to do so, it would take 20 years, not 2 months. It's been very stressful. On Friday she pretty much declared herself in charge of everything that I do. I don't think you can just appoint yourself as the boss of someone else. ARGH.

Friday night Annette and Todd and BJ and Tracy came over. Annette and Tracy left a bottle of wine at our house before the book club pool party so we had them over to finally drink it plus some other bottles. The evening consisted of interesting events like Todd trying to get a moth off the ceiling with a piece of bread and Annette wearing my microscopic bikini from Brazil to get into the hot tub. (You think you've seen small bikinis before--cut that down by a 1/2). It was fun.

Oh, re: my weight loss from the last post. I actually think Pilates has a lot to do with it. I highly recommend trying it 2x/week!!

Quick Note

A quick hello to my faithful readers. I have been very swamped at work and so I spend any free moments slaving over my work laptop. Of course, after a couple weeks I might have all the free time in the world to blog since we are having another round of lay offs.

We had book club on Friday night and it was great to visit with everyone. I have to say, and I will use a superlative like Kim always does, that we have the best book club ever. Everyone is fun and super cool. Sometimes it's laid back and sometimes it's wild. We almost never talk about the book. Anyway, Friday was more laid back but it was still great. Tracy and Shannon had to leave early because Tracy's son was in the emergency room with a cut. He had to get three stitches.

The only other thing to note is, and don't hate me, unplanned weight loss. I am now 7 lbs less than my "normal" weight. I would like to think it's the ROM and the Pilates and eating right but when it just melts off, it's kind of suspicious. I did a thyroid test and the doctor said it was "low normal"... meaning the normal range of something is like .3 - 2 and I am .2. I guess we will see if this keeps happening. I would be happy if it just stopped here. I started adding cheese to my eggs in the morning and indulged in a milkshake from In-and-Out Burger yesterday. I just don't have a big appetite right now.

Home Alone

Wow, time has gotten away from me. We didn’t go anywhere over Labor Day weekend which was fine with me. I got a chance to do another round of serious clothes shopping. I got quite a few things that should set me up well for fall and winter and a couple of nice tops that I can wear to work or out. I went to Nordstrom Rack and then to Off Saks 5th Ave and other places in Arizona Mills. On Sunday afternoon, Pam and Murray (Murphy), Nancy and Robert, and Jill and Joe came over. We had a nice dinner and the kids actually got along. It was very cute to see all five kids sitting at the little kids’ table, even 14 month old Tatum and Ty. On Labor Day, I took Brian and the kids back to Arizona Mills to do some shopping for them. I like the stores at that mall but to go with the family to just hang out and relax, that is not the place. They have all these money thirsty little rides for the kids throughout the mall that Jack wanted to ride. That was a huge pain.

By Tuesday I was completely out of my funk from the past two weeks. I am not sure what caused it and I guess it will come around again at some point in my life but by Tuesday I was pretty happy to be a mom and was back to enjoying my kids. The naturopath had giving me some pills to help with my pituitary that didn’t seem to help too much so I stopped taking them a while ago and I took them Tuesday morning. I felt fantastic all day Tuesday and had a lot of energy. I didn’t take them Wednesday and felt like crap and then took them on Thursday and felt good. Maybe they are working now. So I am making sure to take them every morning now. I met a guy friend from work who was visiting from Folsom for a drink at 98 South. He is my second and final ‘boyfriend’. Ha ha. He was all stressed out about work and even took a couple phone calls from work, one that he had to take outside the restaurant because it was confidential. It was slightly annoying but really I didn’t care because he paid for my delicious $13 glass of wine.

Sometime mid-week, I got word that Jeanette from book club was pregnant. Jeanette is not married and is probably not even in a committed relationship (this is always questionable) so this pregnancy should be scandalous. But given that I think being a mom is definitely something a woman should experience if she wants to and is able, given our biological limitations at a certain age, sometimes you have to go for it without the committed relationship. Jeanette is 38 and given the gaggle of experienced mom friends at her disposal is embarking on this adventure enthusiastically. I say go for it. And I finally found someone who could use my “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” and “Girlfriends Guide…” books that I will never need again.

I was dreading the weekend because Brian was going to a memorial service in Portland over the weekend which meant I was on my own with the kids. I suppose my stay-at-home mom friends would laugh at my fear of being alone with the kids for a weekend but this is stamina that you have to work at building. Yvonne came over around 8:30 AM on Saturday to watch Ty while I took Jack to soccer. Brian headed out to the airport. Soccer went OK—Jack mostly did what he was told but there were a few times he would come running over to me and resist participating. I had a good time with the kids for the rest of the day. I got a baby-sitter so that I could go to dinner with Annette and Tracy. Thank God I arranged that because it felt fantastic to go out to a nice dinner, have a great bottle of wine and good conversation. We went to Angel Sweet afterwards and then to Basha’s because we all had to pee. On Sunday I had arranged to have my friend Sarah come over after work but she canceled because she had to work the full day. It was a grueling day mostly because Ty, who is 14 months old, is a smart and devious little boy. Up until just a few days ago, I would tell Jack that Ty was just a baby and he didn’t know any better. Well, Ty definitely knows better. He spent the whole day climbing on stools, office chairs, tables, dressers and other assorted furniture. He even carried a chair over to the office chair so he could climb on it. What a Stinker. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him for a second. But we made it to bed time and I finally got to sit down and watch some TV. Then back to the grind.

Consult #3

Late Thursday night Brian's mom, Paulette, flew in from the Portland area for Jack's birthday. Friday, Brian took the day off and Paulette, Jack and Brian went to the zoo. I worked and got my hair cut. Jack, the guy who cut my hair, gave me bangs and I kind of freaked out. I have a bad association with bangs. "But you sweep them to the side!" he protested. I have been fighting them to stay over to the side since then. We all went to the mall and Paulette took Jack into Build a Bear for the very first time. Jack absolutely loved it and created his puppy named "Buster". Buster is now a prominent member of our household, getting pushed around in the shopping cart that Tracy gave Jack for his birthday.

On Saturday we mostly got ready for Jack's birthday party. We had the party outdoors at a small local splash pad and everyone seemed to have a good time. Jack was a little too intent on 1) eating his cupcakes and 2) playing his CD's. Jack is obsessed with playing his CD's right now. I pretty much hear nothing but Toddler Tunes although he will occasionally play some classical music and if I'm lucky, some lounge or swing music, which he calls "Mamma Songs".

I took my time running errands on Sunday knowing that Gramma was home helping Brian with the kiddos. It's awesome to have Gramma around to get a break.

My mood has been off lately as I've been fantasizing about my prior life of no obligations: no husband, no kids. I know this is my emotional side talking because I really don't think the single life is that glamorous either. But I think trying to get pregnant for a year and a half and then being pregnant and breastfeeding for the following 4 years has take it's toll on me and I want to be Kelly again, not a wife, a mother or an employee.

I went to Jeanette's after work for her purse party and got two purses but then rushed home to take care of the boys since Brian was heading to a baseball game. My mood coupled with Jack being in the prime of his whining phase was not good. I tend to have a lot of patience with the boys but I spent a lot of time yelling that night.

I explained the situation to Yvonne the next day and she said that my feelings were normal and that I just needed to drink more. I probably do. What she is really saying is to relax and take some time for myself. :-)

So I went to happy hour the next day with some people from work and then to Pilates and didn't feel guilty about seeing Jack for only an hour before he went to bed. It's probably better to spend less time with a patient mother than more time with a mother who is frustrated and yelling.

On Wednesday I went to my 3rd and final surgical consult. This time Brian went with me. I was probably harboring some resentment that he prioritized work over going to the first two consults with me and so I was actually annoyed that he was going to this one (geez sometimes it's confusing to be a woman!) but in the end I was actually glad that he went with me. The doctors were like the three bears: one was too this and the other was too that and the third one was just right. His approach, the time spent with me, and his bedside manner seemed perfect for me and Brian really liked him. I wanted to think more about it though so I didn't schedule anything.

On Thursday night, after spending some time with the boys and still being in my funk, I met up with my friend Mike for what we call a "Bitch Session". These have been going on for years and years. The frequency has diminished during the childbearing years but I realized that I need to up the frequency. There really is no replacement for a male friend who is not your husband. Now you know I have a rule where male friends before you're married are "grandfathered" meaning it is not inappropriate to hang out with them after you're married. I don't have any advice for getting male friends after you're married and wouldn't advise it. The thing about male friends is that you can say whatever outrageous thing is on your mind and they tend to not judge you and they don't relay anything you say to anyone else. They are just not wired to do this like women are. So I got a chance to unload all these feelings and have someone listen and not worry about editing myself. I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and somewhat back to normal, although still tired. I am suspicious of my thyroid again, which can result in personality changes and various other symptoms that don't seem physical so I got a blood test on Friday to rule it out. I am down 3 lbs from normal weight and as much as I would like to attribute to the ROM, I have to rule out my thyroid going berserk again.

On Friday I wanted to take that step to book my surgery but couldn't seem to do it. My biggest fear is looking like a freak even though that probably won't be the case. I called Tracy for some moral support and a half hour later, had the surgery scheduled in December, when I know I can take time off work and the volleyball league will be in hiatus. I will form a committee where we will scour the internet for the perfect breasts for me so that the surgeon has a good photo. I recruited Yvonne for the committee because she has seen me as a B, C, D, DD, and E twice over (through pregnancies and engorgements and the nice breastfeeding stage) and probably has a good sense of what looked best on me.